Happiness isn't about success, it is assuring that nobody succeeds where you have lost.
That post i read from a blog shook me in and out. The more i try to forget it, the more it comes flashing in front of my eyes. It was with great difficulty, i met eyes with the truth. Neverthless to say i still wheedle to shatter my own self and get back to that quaint me if that would bring me light and show me life. It is my conscience that stops me and your confidence adds to the unfruitful strive. As i struggle to find an ending to my own story, yet another story passes unfinished before my eyes. Do all stories need an ending?Yeah indeed unless one doesn't have to start writing a new one. The haunting of an unfinished story could be more scary than truth itself. And as i go on writing, i fear i'm loosing my way again in the dark and hence i stop.... As the writer says...I need to remember to overcome!!
Dec 29, 2009
Dec 1, 2009
Plea
My world was getting colorful with hopes and desire,
Hopes and desire to come to the new world.
For long was i waiting at the threshold,
Awaiting the smart one who would make me a truth.
And as it grew strong and deep,
crystals of life gleamed on the contour,
There was a sudden race to win me,
The race to the soul of life,
The race to protract life,
And i sprung out of love,
And i sprung full of life.
I realize this is when i have time ever in my life,
As soon as step out i begin to chase,
Endless pursuit of insatiable worths,
Hence i wait here in peace,
I have time to see where my future belongs,
Nine months to shelve to life.
I feel those warm hands that live to hold me,
I feel the first love in here,
I feel my mother,
And as i know those paternal vibes of discomfort,
The first stab on my heart,
I realize parentry is of convenience,and,
I make my first wish,
My first wish to be born a woman.
Never to know, swift and drastic moves of life,
When i am being guarded with the selfless love of my mother,
There's another selfish woman fighting out of her womb.
And makes me realize the bitter for the second time,
The time was in disguise,
But i'm an unwanted truth.
An unwanted truth less important than the world which surround me.
The world is not worth living, it's out of convenience people live.
And i make my first request,
I plea to end me here.
For days of my survival had brought realizations,
Never i want to get out of the horizon.
Life there...is dark.
Minds there....are gloomy.
I have no place there,
for i am born of love and would live truth!!
Hopes and desire to come to the new world.
For long was i waiting at the threshold,
Awaiting the smart one who would make me a truth.
And as it grew strong and deep,
crystals of life gleamed on the contour,
There was a sudden race to win me,
The race to the soul of life,
The race to protract life,
And i sprung out of love,
And i sprung full of life.
I realize this is when i have time ever in my life,
As soon as step out i begin to chase,
Endless pursuit of insatiable worths,
Hence i wait here in peace,
I have time to see where my future belongs,
Nine months to shelve to life.
I feel those warm hands that live to hold me,
I feel the first love in here,
I feel my mother,
And as i know those paternal vibes of discomfort,
The first stab on my heart,
I realize parentry is of convenience,and,
I make my first wish,
My first wish to be born a woman.
Never to know, swift and drastic moves of life,
When i am being guarded with the selfless love of my mother,
There's another selfish woman fighting out of her womb.
And makes me realize the bitter for the second time,
The time was in disguise,
But i'm an unwanted truth.
An unwanted truth less important than the world which surround me.
The world is not worth living, it's out of convenience people live.
And i make my first request,
I plea to end me here.
For days of my survival had brought realizations,
Never i want to get out of the horizon.
Life there...is dark.
Minds there....are gloomy.
I have no place there,
for i am born of love and would live truth!!
Nov 13, 2009
The morning
It is a pleasant morning!!The firstmost fact being, the day is a friday!!
It is all in your head may be somebody would say, but yeah the climate is undoubtedly good. The long stroll thorugh the tiled pathway near the bus bay to the building have always buzzed as a tiresome one in my head, before i even set my foot on it.
Fortunately, today was different. The hazy blue sky has made the campus soothing and proved best to start a day of work. GEC2 was still upright with all its pride, but unfortunaltely the sky doesn't contrast its hue. Today's charm has been stolen by the perfectly unsymmetrical structure which merged with the sky so comfortably.Even the reflections of the clouds mirrored was too full of ardent.With Monsoon Anuraga playing on my music player, the clouds didn't have to do the volley. I could still feel the drops on me. The first drops of joy, i wondered if those flora was also joining hands with me to complete the moment. And i sudenly realize it is not monsoon. But i could definitely feel it, my mind and heart debating about it.
And i begin the day with this scripture, feeling the rain and getting drenched to my ecstasy.
It is all in your head may be somebody would say, but yeah the climate is undoubtedly good. The long stroll thorugh the tiled pathway near the bus bay to the building have always buzzed as a tiresome one in my head, before i even set my foot on it.
Fortunately, today was different. The hazy blue sky has made the campus soothing and proved best to start a day of work. GEC2 was still upright with all its pride, but unfortunaltely the sky doesn't contrast its hue. Today's charm has been stolen by the perfectly unsymmetrical structure which merged with the sky so comfortably.Even the reflections of the clouds mirrored was too full of ardent.With Monsoon Anuraga playing on my music player, the clouds didn't have to do the volley. I could still feel the drops on me. The first drops of joy, i wondered if those flora was also joining hands with me to complete the moment. And i sudenly realize it is not monsoon. But i could definitely feel it, my mind and heart debating about it.
And i begin the day with this scripture, feeling the rain and getting drenched to my ecstasy.
Nov 12, 2009
But, for you...
It was me who failed to smile as the clouds grew dark. Silence and darkness dawned in me to weave my closely hold dreams; i could indeed rise in the pain!!Abruptly it did happen or i din't realize it slowly turning over. The nights were no more beautiful, black was no more my colour, silence was something that frightened me, i was no more reciprocating, and so did my head respond!!I could only sympathize and accept the fact, before those eyes who could always see what i am. I could accept that the pool of ambitions has gone dry before people who were always my inspiration, who always inspired me not only to elate my spirits, but also to reach high and graze it gently. Those subtles fantasies were no more. Bizarre feeling was it to feel, i am in another body and my soul is dead.
But, life doesn't allow it to persist for long. Thanks to those harsh words which brought into light things which i knew i was doing and accepted it would have always been the last worst things, the me in me would do. I wake up from my dreaded sleep to vista the worth of life. The worth of me. These days was spent in exile and it had to come back. I realize i am endowed, with relations unique on earth, be it the man who taught me life is more casual than i thought, be it the great artist who speaks about the selflessness and frankness in his artistry, be it the maverick who is always a thought higherin the world, be it the sweet girl who made me comfortable from the distance, be it the ones who tries to find and accept me as the seasons change!!All to my sheer fortune, i relish life as it is!!I come back to life. Come back to where it was. And now that i have come back i would reach there, where it truely belongs.And as i take my first steps towards that, there i see a smiling face who lifted me up to life and helped me regain my self. I understand and admit with all my heart and virtues, the best thing that could ever happen to my life is definitely YOU!!!But for you, the end would have been much more early than birth!!!
But, life doesn't allow it to persist for long. Thanks to those harsh words which brought into light things which i knew i was doing and accepted it would have always been the last worst things, the me in me would do. I wake up from my dreaded sleep to vista the worth of life. The worth of me. These days was spent in exile and it had to come back. I realize i am endowed, with relations unique on earth, be it the man who taught me life is more casual than i thought, be it the great artist who speaks about the selflessness and frankness in his artistry, be it the maverick who is always a thought higherin the world, be it the sweet girl who made me comfortable from the distance, be it the ones who tries to find and accept me as the seasons change!!All to my sheer fortune, i relish life as it is!!I come back to life. Come back to where it was. And now that i have come back i would reach there, where it truely belongs.And as i take my first steps towards that, there i see a smiling face who lifted me up to life and helped me regain my self. I understand and admit with all my heart and virtues, the best thing that could ever happen to my life is definitely YOU!!!But for you, the end would have been much more early than birth!!!
Oct 21, 2009
Chaayamukhi
"It's easy to love; to be loved one needs to be fortunate". The play "Chaayamukhi" talks about this bane of love. A well written play which reflects an improvised part of the epic "Mahabharatha" on a contemporary mirror. With chaayamukhi, a mirror which reflects the ardent love of the persson who is looking into it, the aestheics of the play is worth mentioning. Hidumbi, the monstrous lover gifts "chaayamukhi" to Bheema, the protagonist of the play.As she desires to see her as bheema takes a look into the Chaayamukhi, she is deeply disppointed to see his beloved wife Draupadi in it. The sprinkle of love dilutes the savage in one and here Hidumbi is an icon of real selfish practical love which is bound to expectations and hopes. Bheema gives the chaayamukhi to Draupadi and asks her to treasure it, as they find living in their new kingdom in disguise.
Keechaka, the womenizer plants his first sight on Draupadi and gets dragged to her. He tries his tricks to get along with her. The news of Chaayamukhi fascinates him and he goes for it. The truth in the mirror flashes as Keechaka fails to see anyone in the mirror. The avarice even kills the love for yourself. The dishonest and unexplainable yearnings in life has made Keechaka a man without reflections. Even his reflections betrayed him. Sooner or Later, he realizes this and finally succeeds to capture the reflection of Drawupadi in the mirror.
As the play nears the climax,the trap for Keechaka is set and Draupadi provokes him into it. As Bheema takes charge on him, he is more moved by the feelings Keechaka has in mind rather than the original mythological interpretation. though Keechaka succumbs to the situation, afterall that was the only place where this character could span the epic.
Executed in a poor way!!For its brilliant cast and good script, the play would have drawn the audience mind.But unfortunately it fails to!!The art work and music is worth mentioning.
I salute the artist who was a part of the team. Resting in a world fair than this, he was truely an artist.The grace and feminity in his enchanting Sthree vesham would live forever.
Keechaka, the womenizer plants his first sight on Draupadi and gets dragged to her. He tries his tricks to get along with her. The news of Chaayamukhi fascinates him and he goes for it. The truth in the mirror flashes as Keechaka fails to see anyone in the mirror. The avarice even kills the love for yourself. The dishonest and unexplainable yearnings in life has made Keechaka a man without reflections. Even his reflections betrayed him. Sooner or Later, he realizes this and finally succeeds to capture the reflection of Drawupadi in the mirror.
As the play nears the climax,the trap for Keechaka is set and Draupadi provokes him into it. As Bheema takes charge on him, he is more moved by the feelings Keechaka has in mind rather than the original mythological interpretation. though Keechaka succumbs to the situation, afterall that was the only place where this character could span the epic.
Executed in a poor way!!For its brilliant cast and good script, the play would have drawn the audience mind.But unfortunately it fails to!!The art work and music is worth mentioning.
I salute the artist who was a part of the team. Resting in a world fair than this, he was truely an artist.The grace and feminity in his enchanting Sthree vesham would live forever.
Oct 14, 2009
The skittish chunk
Every relationship on earth has a very beautiful beginning, exactly like anything else in life, be it, the first pages of a newly bought book, the first day in school, the first ride on the bike or so.. As time passes, one gets used to it and that becomes an integral part of life. And it is not surprising, you long for a change then. This is the candor of life. But when it comes to relations, we refuse to accept it. It is quite natural, to get weary. Alarmingly, we still want to believe in clichés. Come on, the time has changed; you don’t have to impress anyone to be in a relationship.
It is a different season with relations. All is fair and fine until the L word. But, the road gets forked, as soon as the M word makes an entry. While girls tend to be away from the latter, guys does even more sturdily with the later. Commitment phobia is rather an anthem these days. It is just not because guys don’t want to take up responsibilities in life, it is just that they don’t want the relation to go any further and he is not male enough to put it straight. If they really care about it, they wouldn’t mind taking it further or at least give a convincible reason for that matter. But one needs to have guts to do that. For all the uncertain uncanny statements he gives, you feel like regretting being straight.
“but….if not now, when…?” and if you get a bloody uncertain bullshit,”….I don’t know…maybe when I’m okie with it...” be sure that you made a wrong choice. It is high time for you to get rid of him and look out for better brownies. No guy is worth that pain!!!
It is a different season with relations. All is fair and fine until the L word. But, the road gets forked, as soon as the M word makes an entry. While girls tend to be away from the latter, guys does even more sturdily with the later. Commitment phobia is rather an anthem these days. It is just not because guys don’t want to take up responsibilities in life, it is just that they don’t want the relation to go any further and he is not male enough to put it straight. If they really care about it, they wouldn’t mind taking it further or at least give a convincible reason for that matter. But one needs to have guts to do that. For all the uncertain uncanny statements he gives, you feel like regretting being straight.
“but….if not now, when…?” and if you get a bloody uncertain bullshit,”….I don’t know…maybe when I’m okie with it...” be sure that you made a wrong choice. It is high time for you to get rid of him and look out for better brownies. No guy is worth that pain!!!
Sep 9, 2009
Anticipations
I have never been a great reader. But there is always something that keeps me bound to the world of words, language and expression. And that keeps my affinity towards books intact. I have tried to study very few authors and I still am a new born in this print world. Though I have made sincere efforts to span my reading skills across different writers, I have failed phant time for my very choosy nature. Works fascinate me if it makes me think either of these – “Can I ever pen down the feelings like this and craft it naturally beautiful” or “Can I ever envision life like this?” It is always so surprising to see my reflections on the sheets of paper I am holding. Many a times, I have also found that the reflections tend to fade because of those ripples. And then I appreciate there is something unique & secretive in everyone which is still to be discovered. But this thought surfaced my mind when I happened to run into a totally ad hoc conversation with my friend. What we are going in life, somebody else sitting unknown far from us might have shaped in his imagination. Does that happen always? Is life always that anticipatory? Can I find something already coined by someone to express what I am going through?
Aug 28, 2009
Life Repeats...people fail to!!!
Life is like the cycle of seasons. People change, but not for long do they sustain the change. Maybe to break the monotony of life, maybe to prove a difference or maybe simply without a reason.
I remember while i was writing these lines almost an year back i was a different person. Whatever one does come back for sure. Today, i oblige the reception of my own lines to myself.And when i want to reproduce the same here once again, my sincere effort of getting there where i used to be dies down to nothing. And that brings the realization to me- the most casual things in life become the most serious changes, which can never be rewound.
I'll never wait!!!!
Ruling bliss and harmony,
At the cost of a few hard feelings,
I aver today,
Not really that trifling...though,
Those were prized once,
But…
I don't wait to wonder,
How can I be so vindictive?
I used to affirm it orally,
Yeah!!! I'm a sadist..
But, today I love to be one.
When I tear hopes,
I smash dreams to smithereens,
My kindness is as arid as ma eyes.
Or is it getting stained?
But….
I don wait to ponder,
Will it be lucid as times run close?
Once my solitude also wished company,
And now celebrations even are content,
All alone,
Life's beckoning me to the darker side…
Black was always my fantasy…though,
Today even my dreams are black,
But….
I don't wait to brood over…
Are these silver linings an illusion?
I speak I'm making life,
I'm churning dreams,
But I can realize a peccadillo,
You don't actually make a life,
To the detriment of fellow anticipations,
But…
I don't wait to think,
Rather I don't wanna wait to think.
And never I will wait…. I'm what I'm!!!!!!
I'm living MY life!!!!!!
I remember while i was writing these lines almost an year back i was a different person. Whatever one does come back for sure. Today, i oblige the reception of my own lines to myself.And when i want to reproduce the same here once again, my sincere effort of getting there where i used to be dies down to nothing. And that brings the realization to me- the most casual things in life become the most serious changes, which can never be rewound.
I'll never wait!!!!
Ruling bliss and harmony,
At the cost of a few hard feelings,
I aver today,
Not really that trifling...though,
Those were prized once,
But…
I don't wait to wonder,
How can I be so vindictive?
I used to affirm it orally,
Yeah!!! I'm a sadist..
But, today I love to be one.
When I tear hopes,
I smash dreams to smithereens,
My kindness is as arid as ma eyes.
Or is it getting stained?
But….
I don wait to ponder,
Will it be lucid as times run close?
Once my solitude also wished company,
And now celebrations even are content,
All alone,
Life's beckoning me to the darker side…
Black was always my fantasy…though,
Today even my dreams are black,
But….
I don't wait to brood over…
Are these silver linings an illusion?
I speak I'm making life,
I'm churning dreams,
But I can realize a peccadillo,
You don't actually make a life,
To the detriment of fellow anticipations,
But…
I don't wait to think,
Rather I don't wanna wait to think.
And never I will wait…. I'm what I'm!!!!!!
I'm living MY life!!!!!!
Aug 7, 2009
Revelations
Every phase of life presents you with a bunch of revelations. Such was the past few days for me. Never in my mind, it occured to me that these would kill the me in me.
After these most unexpected revelations, i struggle to be in harmony with myself.
I spent the past few days on this earth just to realize, i am not what i had thought.
It's a deep clutch on the senses to discard the hallucinations which took me floating on cloud nine once in life. The fall should have shattered me to pieces before i ever could feel i am just like any other girl. Never i had thought of uttering these pathetic words to myself, but yeah..now there is no escape.
After these most unexpected revelations, i struggle to be in harmony with myself.
I spent the past few days on this earth just to realize, i am not what i had thought.
It's a deep clutch on the senses to discard the hallucinations which took me floating on cloud nine once in life. The fall should have shattered me to pieces before i ever could feel i am just like any other girl. Never i had thought of uttering these pathetic words to myself, but yeah..now there is no escape.
Jun 18, 2009
The Plank of Avidity
"....Has he traveled much?..That phrase..The Plank of avidity, do you know where it is found?At the Viking Museum in Denmark......"says Chris to Radha.I am quite not sure whether the writer has been to Germany, that while narrating something really aesthetic and close to life, this very phrase crossed her mind. But i can definitely say this phrase did churn me in and out as i skimmed through those lines, that something got into my head to make some cravings on this plank.
As the girl in the narration found in the phrase, zeal and radiance to look forward to life, every life on earth has a sheer longing for freedom and the creativity that sprouts from it. Everyone would like to be the architect of his own life. If it happens to you that, who am i to dictate freedom into other's life, i would be more than pleased to cease caring about the world. Getting back...yes...atleast i would not welcome someone else master it. Maybe,the journey which was almost a day long added to this very thought of mine,"Is there really something on earth which doesn't reside on this plank of avidity?". I think i have got it all back to me as i read those thoughts that used to cross my mind once.Still yet i am in dark to find out, where i lost those words rather thoughts that they are taking birth on these sheets of paper.
May be its true, being in love doesn't make life all that beautiful.But then, if it's all beautiful it's not life. Again, love is something which is complete and wooing in literature and art.When it comes down to mere mortals, it brings along with it all realities attached to it. Despite the odds, the mind transcends and settles along the comfort line of existence, i believe its love.More precisely, it is the completion i feel now. Though it never happened to me that there would be someone incarnated on those weird desires i pampered to see in my man, life which has never gifted me with any surprises, could win my heart in this. And, with the best thing that ever happened to me in life, it is least astounding for the plank of avidity to take rebirth in me.And today, it is no hope but a belief that the ardent would see us together in life, me and my love for i realize the plank of avidity is arid without the unexpressed warmth of his love.
As the girl in the narration found in the phrase, zeal and radiance to look forward to life, every life on earth has a sheer longing for freedom and the creativity that sprouts from it. Everyone would like to be the architect of his own life. If it happens to you that, who am i to dictate freedom into other's life, i would be more than pleased to cease caring about the world. Getting back...yes...atleast i would not welcome someone else master it. Maybe,the journey which was almost a day long added to this very thought of mine,"Is there really something on earth which doesn't reside on this plank of avidity?". I think i have got it all back to me as i read those thoughts that used to cross my mind once.Still yet i am in dark to find out, where i lost those words rather thoughts that they are taking birth on these sheets of paper.
May be its true, being in love doesn't make life all that beautiful.But then, if it's all beautiful it's not life. Again, love is something which is complete and wooing in literature and art.When it comes down to mere mortals, it brings along with it all realities attached to it. Despite the odds, the mind transcends and settles along the comfort line of existence, i believe its love.More precisely, it is the completion i feel now. Though it never happened to me that there would be someone incarnated on those weird desires i pampered to see in my man, life which has never gifted me with any surprises, could win my heart in this. And, with the best thing that ever happened to me in life, it is least astounding for the plank of avidity to take rebirth in me.And today, it is no hope but a belief that the ardent would see us together in life, me and my love for i realize the plank of avidity is arid without the unexpressed warmth of his love.
May 12, 2009
Twilight
The rendezvous with the Sahyadris has never been such a bracing experience to her before. As she was transcending the unbroken chain of the Western Ghats with a broken heart, Malavika was all excited about the last expedition of her life, for she will no more be loyal to her shadows. Down the lane of her remembrance, she could see her profile, radiant and full of life. She believed that it was best to be born on this world as a woman. The feminine worth that added the right flavor of bliss, gloom, arrogance and possessiveness always thrilled her. Years grew to make her appreciate the female in her. She wanted no air to smell this aroma of hers, as she wanted to preserve it for the man in her life. Life has betrayed her rather than her feelings when it brought the wrong person to the spotlight. Par the mildness of the fairer sex; she was strong enough to rectify what life did to her. But it was beyond her apprehension that the true boulevard is not very long. And here she is, travelling to the tail end of it. As these thoughts eroded her mind, her eyes were more humid than the air around. Despite of al this, she decide to envisage her final days. The best days are still awaiting her on those penultimate steps, those wonderful moments which would never come again.
Dance was always her first love in life. Each performance was a mirror to her life and each expression she would bring from her experience. Her life is nearing the conclusion and hereafter she would enjoy the tune of pale silence. With a tacit sigh she drew the curtains of the bus window. She always hated the impatience before the destination. Quite contrary to the natural, she was enjoying it this time. Yeah!!She was changing, rather getting prepared for the change. This was the most precious time she wished for; she is going to adorn a stage which she pampered in her fantasies. The contemplation of this land of sculptures and temples filled her mind with fancies and added aesthetics to her language. This was a dream come true for her.
The first rays of sunlight had started intruding and dissolving the dark when she stepped her foot on the land, which was beckoning her since unknown times. As she walked through the streets, the dust of the dawn was floating in the air. Despite, she walked towards the temple were she longed to see the massive Sculpture. The sculpture which once aroused the urge to carve about love, carve about completion and carve about the best journey that takes you to that. As she set her foot inside the temple premises with water dripping, she relished each of her steps on that stone path. She could feel the purity in her, which no one else could ever find. She could feel the strength in the women in her, which on one else could ever challenge. She could feel the completion in her, which probably her love bestowed her unknowingly. She now wanted to be herself for one last time, she wanted to run around like an innocent child, she wanted to dream like a lost soul, she wanted to dance to the rhythm of nature; she wanted to live like never before.
This ecstatic journey which she was now passing through took her to the stage on which she loved to perform, the Arang of her life. She was now on the threshold of the performance, the performance of her life. She remembered the first days in the Attakalari when she was a mere child who mimicked all that her gurus taught her even though she wasn’t aware of the poser of what she was doing. She commenced her performance with affirm and unwavering steps on the floor which fostered the bond of hers with the Kalari forever. Slowly, she started living with the grace of expressions. But she never knew the feminine might of beauty to make it more appealing. It took years to teach her that she has also got something feminine in her and that is what makes expressions a reflection for your feelings. She always loved to break through the conventionalities yet to clinch to the strength in them. Her moves took a contemporary turn, preserving the focus to mind, rather heart.
...tbc
Dance was always her first love in life. Each performance was a mirror to her life and each expression she would bring from her experience. Her life is nearing the conclusion and hereafter she would enjoy the tune of pale silence. With a tacit sigh she drew the curtains of the bus window. She always hated the impatience before the destination. Quite contrary to the natural, she was enjoying it this time. Yeah!!She was changing, rather getting prepared for the change. This was the most precious time she wished for; she is going to adorn a stage which she pampered in her fantasies. The contemplation of this land of sculptures and temples filled her mind with fancies and added aesthetics to her language. This was a dream come true for her.
The first rays of sunlight had started intruding and dissolving the dark when she stepped her foot on the land, which was beckoning her since unknown times. As she walked through the streets, the dust of the dawn was floating in the air. Despite, she walked towards the temple were she longed to see the massive Sculpture. The sculpture which once aroused the urge to carve about love, carve about completion and carve about the best journey that takes you to that. As she set her foot inside the temple premises with water dripping, she relished each of her steps on that stone path. She could feel the purity in her, which no one else could ever find. She could feel the strength in the women in her, which on one else could ever challenge. She could feel the completion in her, which probably her love bestowed her unknowingly. She now wanted to be herself for one last time, she wanted to run around like an innocent child, she wanted to dream like a lost soul, she wanted to dance to the rhythm of nature; she wanted to live like never before.
This ecstatic journey which she was now passing through took her to the stage on which she loved to perform, the Arang of her life. She was now on the threshold of the performance, the performance of her life. She remembered the first days in the Attakalari when she was a mere child who mimicked all that her gurus taught her even though she wasn’t aware of the poser of what she was doing. She commenced her performance with affirm and unwavering steps on the floor which fostered the bond of hers with the Kalari forever. Slowly, she started living with the grace of expressions. But she never knew the feminine might of beauty to make it more appealing. It took years to teach her that she has also got something feminine in her and that is what makes expressions a reflection for your feelings. She always loved to break through the conventionalities yet to clinch to the strength in them. Her moves took a contemporary turn, preserving the focus to mind, rather heart.
...tbc
Apr 27, 2009
Arang
"....and lets catch it all live", as the final words from MC starts fading out, the stage is all ours. Encore a live performance, a short life which i enjoy living but never could realize when it begun and where it ended. Prayers are all you have in you as you step into the space to experiment something new, to know how acceptable your innovations are, to know how you take the world into your own world. Every stage is always a new experience and it brings it with itself the motivation for a better one. But, i still long for the one i stepped first to catch the rhythm, the first where i tried to convey all which even i couldn't graze by mind, the one which is still the best for me, the one in my Alma mater. Had it for bigger audiences and bigger platforms in life, that stage is could ever pacify. Not of the ardent desire for i want to be there once more, but something which brings a drop of tear in my heart as i see someone perform there. Manifold times one tread the boards, to realize your art work wonders, to realize you still have something incomplete in you, to realize you still long for more, to realize you were living the personage arcane in you, but the one where you learn to realize you enjoy sipping the taste of performance, you have a real craze for it is always close to your heart. down the lane, the fortuity to perform once again is something I'll always die for and i would rather like to keep it a dream than draw it and loose its charm. I envisage the rapture of this wanting.
Mar 30, 2009
Winged delight
Though life requires its own discipline and planning, certain exciting moments and the subtle joy that follows it often comes impromptu. Usually the journey from home back to Mysore is a 10 hour boring trip with a tinge of sadness of being away from home for coming one month or so. But for the keen hunt for some non human lives while treading the Bandipur woods which of course still remain insatiable, it has got no colors to put into memory.
This time it happened to be a quite undesigned one. Its always avid to set out for something of which you never know the way but is sure of the ultimate. We struggled, we prayed, we hoped and finally we strived to get a means of transport and all that just added to the agog trip of mine. The most exciting rather unexpected part was when i literally slept off to get down at the station. The realization of which happened a little after the entrance of the forest. Yeah!!darkness and silence when hold hand together which takes you deep into them, and the feeling in itself is complete. Few hours to the dawn, hoping for a straw, sitting inside the shade of a small abode ,almost a chalet made me think for a few seconds how my father might have struggled here inside the forest doing his duty. The fog had covered the entire place and we were literally lost in that, the foggy wind breezing across the forehead left tiny droplets of water which was as soft as memories. Encore, with a pain i thought, i longed for the promise you made, which you forgot not only to perfect but also that you have made one.
Night was already beautiful and the nature added to it, but i could not further control my urge to rest my eyes as soon as i got a shelter and that took me all into deep sleep with an eyeful charm of the night woods.
This time it happened to be a quite undesigned one. Its always avid to set out for something of which you never know the way but is sure of the ultimate. We struggled, we prayed, we hoped and finally we strived to get a means of transport and all that just added to the agog trip of mine. The most exciting rather unexpected part was when i literally slept off to get down at the station. The realization of which happened a little after the entrance of the forest. Yeah!!darkness and silence when hold hand together which takes you deep into them, and the feeling in itself is complete. Few hours to the dawn, hoping for a straw, sitting inside the shade of a small abode ,almost a chalet made me think for a few seconds how my father might have struggled here inside the forest doing his duty. The fog had covered the entire place and we were literally lost in that, the foggy wind breezing across the forehead left tiny droplets of water which was as soft as memories. Encore, with a pain i thought, i longed for the promise you made, which you forgot not only to perfect but also that you have made one.
Night was already beautiful and the nature added to it, but i could not further control my urge to rest my eyes as soon as i got a shelter and that took me all into deep sleep with an eyeful charm of the night woods.
Mar 9, 2009
Just not like any other bangle in the rack
Wishing all women a belated happy womes's day. Yes, that thought definitely didn't cross my mind unless my friend asked me whether women's day is a day for a man to think of a woman or a woman to think about herself. that was a really exctiting question to be encountered. Well, i could only come up with how women felt lucky as there is a day in her name and none in a man's name.
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My life never gave me a hurdle because i am born a woman, except for the late night scrolls in the empty roads and second shows. Unlike the restricions and limits usually imposed on girls, i never had to take it on my head. I got all freedom my brother used to get. My parents trusted me and my capability to look after myself. I am not sure whetehr i can ever take the comment, "no!!cozz u ara a girl" since i have never encountered this from my family. I learnt from them how to be bold, how to speak what you feel, how to keep up dignity, how to be patient adn how to be a girl, but not how to be just any other girl. As age gets sour, our world inculcates more than our family. Yes!!it is always good to be social, but society is never your dictator. I never let my fun down coz there were knitted eyebrows around me. I am charmed i am born a female, but there is nothing i can sacrifice rather compromise coz of such a delighted reason.
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"I quenched my knowledge from the cup that i chose,
I danced to my own tunes of heart,
I walked through roads i loved to,
I talked to any tree i loved in the alley,
I ditched you coz u couldn't get who i am,
I loved you coz u saw what i really am."
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My life never gave me a hurdle because i am born a woman, except for the late night scrolls in the empty roads and second shows. Unlike the restricions and limits usually imposed on girls, i never had to take it on my head. I got all freedom my brother used to get. My parents trusted me and my capability to look after myself. I am not sure whetehr i can ever take the comment, "no!!cozz u ara a girl" since i have never encountered this from my family. I learnt from them how to be bold, how to speak what you feel, how to keep up dignity, how to be patient adn how to be a girl, but not how to be just any other girl. As age gets sour, our world inculcates more than our family. Yes!!it is always good to be social, but society is never your dictator. I never let my fun down coz there were knitted eyebrows around me. I am charmed i am born a female, but there is nothing i can sacrifice rather compromise coz of such a delighted reason.
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"I quenched my knowledge from the cup that i chose,
I danced to my own tunes of heart,
I walked through roads i loved to,
I talked to any tree i loved in the alley,
I ditched you coz u couldn't get who i am,
I loved you coz u saw what i really am."
Mar 6, 2009
Annoying notes
The introduction of music players and mobile phones simply made music and leisure at hand. But why is it that people forget, there are ear phones too in the market to make you at ease. It is very common and pesky to see people playing music in public. I wonder how could somebody be so confident in his taste so that he just assumes everybody around him is enjoying the music. I swear when music is not of your taste and note, it is just noise and no more music. Its high time people have a second thought on this really irksome behaviour of theirs, so that the pax around don't truce it forever.
Mar 5, 2009
The modern schmaltz- Dev D
Happened to see, a totally bizarre work, Dev D. yeah!!For people who yen for all that's flamboyant and beautiful on the silver screen, this is definitely not your cup of tea. The angle of thought process around the subject is really innovative backed with sufficient elements of reality. Its just musing to see the moulding of the subject without toppling the storyline at all. Screened raw and straight, the movie targets and talks about so many decays in the human society today. Naturally, this had so many knitted eyebrows, but nobody can deny the fact that these barbaric acts are really happening in the civilian society of ours.
The central character, Devdas is more of an embodiment of lust rather than love. He is just a man of the present who takes a call on good and evil and choose his way. The heroine of the story reflects a more realistic picture which is a raw blend of a loyal Indian woman with a strong sexual aggression. The male chauvinism is brought to light when the hero himself, having all fun with females around him is suspicious about the loyalty of his girl. Adhering to the practical motion of emotions in life, the movie takes over the marriage of heroine leaving out the melodrama that could be created.
Towards the second half of the movie, the intro of the second heroine is rendered in a very realistic manner. The MMS scandal which did spoil many lives is well depicted which apparently forces the lady to take the life of a dirty pearl. Though the emotions of whores have not been exploited much, the overuse of boozing and doping is a factor which may create an aversion to the movie. No wonder it appears a little dragging too.The unclad screenplay is worth enough appreciation. the direction is just smart and tactful to communicate exactly what has to be conveyed without any obscene scenes or abusive words.
Its a call for something different.Let more movies come which is really a face of life!!!!
The central character, Devdas is more of an embodiment of lust rather than love. He is just a man of the present who takes a call on good and evil and choose his way. The heroine of the story reflects a more realistic picture which is a raw blend of a loyal Indian woman with a strong sexual aggression. The male chauvinism is brought to light when the hero himself, having all fun with females around him is suspicious about the loyalty of his girl. Adhering to the practical motion of emotions in life, the movie takes over the marriage of heroine leaving out the melodrama that could be created.
Towards the second half of the movie, the intro of the second heroine is rendered in a very realistic manner. The MMS scandal which did spoil many lives is well depicted which apparently forces the lady to take the life of a dirty pearl. Though the emotions of whores have not been exploited much, the overuse of boozing and doping is a factor which may create an aversion to the movie. No wonder it appears a little dragging too.The unclad screenplay is worth enough appreciation. the direction is just smart and tactful to communicate exactly what has to be conveyed without any obscene scenes or abusive words.
Its a call for something different.Let more movies come which is really a face of life!!!!
Mar 2, 2009
A jig in my peg
It was not just a dream in the dawn, it was more of an illusion i had about my life-a surmise.I have seen myself least creative in dreams, someone who broke the wings of imagination before the flight itself. Practical reflections on shattered pieces of my heart, i dream never to wake up.
I was keeping myself occupied with work i love to do anywhere on this earth, but haunted by an inner kink of doing the best thing in the wrong place.As the creative was whacking me for a better challenge, i felt the stiffness and toughness within. It was not within some seconds, i was almost squeezed with pain that my colleagues noticed and were in an earnest effort to get me to hospital.That was a clear sign of Cardiac attack probably rare in a 23. The shortness of my breath and the panic and chaos i could get from my still alive senses didn't truce me to think this shouldn't reach home. It is a subject of irony that i disagree to endure something which i always awaited impatiently because this is just not the right time.If my life couldn't make anybody feel better, i am stubborn my death shouldn't make anyone pay for it, not especially my dear brother.I felt the strength of blood relation inspite the conquering pain.
Despite the many grudges i earned in life, i still had many hearts that prayed for me. I did rather expect no aching than anticipate he would atleast care for such a news. As expected, i won in this atleast that it didn't really matter to him.I was dubious to have a sarcastic eye on it or an acerbic stab when he really could spill it out that if i could persist my shuttle between life or death till he drinks out to his ecstasy all that was in the bottled spirit.Now that's something interesting to know about partying night out!!! At such a sardonic note made by a man in reaction to the news of his girl's battling with life, my inner sense could no more continue dreaming. These were witty chunks to be enjoyed in the reality.I woke up with a smile on my lips.
I was keeping myself occupied with work i love to do anywhere on this earth, but haunted by an inner kink of doing the best thing in the wrong place.As the creative was whacking me for a better challenge, i felt the stiffness and toughness within. It was not within some seconds, i was almost squeezed with pain that my colleagues noticed and were in an earnest effort to get me to hospital.That was a clear sign of Cardiac attack probably rare in a 23. The shortness of my breath and the panic and chaos i could get from my still alive senses didn't truce me to think this shouldn't reach home. It is a subject of irony that i disagree to endure something which i always awaited impatiently because this is just not the right time.If my life couldn't make anybody feel better, i am stubborn my death shouldn't make anyone pay for it, not especially my dear brother.I felt the strength of blood relation inspite the conquering pain.
Despite the many grudges i earned in life, i still had many hearts that prayed for me. I did rather expect no aching than anticipate he would atleast care for such a news. As expected, i won in this atleast that it didn't really matter to him.I was dubious to have a sarcastic eye on it or an acerbic stab when he really could spill it out that if i could persist my shuttle between life or death till he drinks out to his ecstasy all that was in the bottled spirit.Now that's something interesting to know about partying night out!!! At such a sardonic note made by a man in reaction to the news of his girl's battling with life, my inner sense could no more continue dreaming. These were witty chunks to be enjoyed in the reality.I woke up with a smile on my lips.
Feb 27, 2009
Assay
A ship is safe in its port, but that's not what for the ship is made for. the day commenced with out any sign of morning blues, but gradually faded to dark as frustrations mounted in me to brood Is this the way things are supposed to be? Despite of my revelations of a sense of cacophony in my love to the rhythm, i was bold enough to pacify myself, things are gonna be in place. I failed to realize that if i can even think of being away from dance, there is nothing left in me for anything else. The straight line of life is so malleable that it has taken the weird curved form pondering me to the core.
hope i'll get an answer right here in the same space sometime soon. Now that's something beaming. Thank god atleast i could end it on an optimistic note!!!
hope i'll get an answer right here in the same space sometime soon. Now that's something beaming. Thank god atleast i could end it on an optimistic note!!!
Feb 26, 2009
Glossed over
Let me start with a salute to the hundreds of real life heroes who fight for us on the frontier. The pain and stain of 26/11 have not left us yet and the families of the real victims are under the shadows of mourning. And yesterday, we had an oppurtunity to listen to Mr.Unnikrishnan, father of Sandeep unnikrishnan, a true officer who married the army to serve the motherland.
As the brave parent started on the note of expecting none of us to sympathize with him atleast for the day, the brave vibes of a true citizen of India was revealed.Yes, it was indeed great to listen to him speak virtues and emotions of his son, who was a person , rather who is a person(i believe these souls never die)with an optimistic air of eveything. Sitting here on a cushioned chair in the comfort of a conditioner, it is easy to blog about my feelings as i was taking his words. But, it requires to much more in me to take a step to really do something for the country or someone atleast.
In his words reflected the love and respect for his son, and it had tints of grudge towards the system in place also. As he shared his decision to commence a trust on sandeep's name so that his memories stays alive forever, my mind prayed for those hundreds who fight and die at the borders whom most of us don't know by name. Are they not fighting for us, are they not sincere to their job, are they not one among us?When we nag about what the system is lacking to content our hopes and aspirations, we forget there are people who really brook because of this.Lets be with those families who really need support.
As the brave parent started on the note of expecting none of us to sympathize with him atleast for the day, the brave vibes of a true citizen of India was revealed.Yes, it was indeed great to listen to him speak virtues and emotions of his son, who was a person , rather who is a person(i believe these souls never die)with an optimistic air of eveything. Sitting here on a cushioned chair in the comfort of a conditioner, it is easy to blog about my feelings as i was taking his words. But, it requires to much more in me to take a step to really do something for the country or someone atleast.
In his words reflected the love and respect for his son, and it had tints of grudge towards the system in place also. As he shared his decision to commence a trust on sandeep's name so that his memories stays alive forever, my mind prayed for those hundreds who fight and die at the borders whom most of us don't know by name. Are they not fighting for us, are they not sincere to their job, are they not one among us?When we nag about what the system is lacking to content our hopes and aspirations, we forget there are people who really brook because of this.Lets be with those families who really need support.
Feb 25, 2009
Amigo
Together,
As if one person,
we glance back,
Seeing the face that spoke.
-Emma.S
This was written for a friend who is as true as his relationships. As rude as his persona. As good as his virtues. Thought this should definitely have a space here, without which maybe my scribblings are just incomplete. Because inspite of my insatiable appeal to gush out my negatives and frustrations, he was one person who made me write something positive.
I walk down the dark lonely road,
As the past throws light into my memory,
I taste the vista on the sideline of the dark.
As I travel down the lane of my remembrance,
I envisage that bench at the dawn of the lane.
As I feel myself seated there studded with a smile,
You are sitting near me my friend, with a reason,
A reason that always brought a smile on my face,
A reason that I never realized.
As these waves of nostalgia erode me,
I long to swing back to the past.
As I realize I can never take the road back,
Its still a sweet pain I relish,
With you my friend, beckoning me to the bygone days,
Those days, I know,
Which will never come again,
But, will remain forever close to my heart.
A note for you-
"You made me special in a way probably no one can even appreciate,
there are relations which can't be put in words"
As if one person,
we glance back,
Seeing the face that spoke.
-Emma.S
This was written for a friend who is as true as his relationships. As rude as his persona. As good as his virtues. Thought this should definitely have a space here, without which maybe my scribblings are just incomplete. Because inspite of my insatiable appeal to gush out my negatives and frustrations, he was one person who made me write something positive.
I walk down the dark lonely road,
As the past throws light into my memory,
I taste the vista on the sideline of the dark.
As I travel down the lane of my remembrance,
I envisage that bench at the dawn of the lane.
As I feel myself seated there studded with a smile,
You are sitting near me my friend, with a reason,
A reason that always brought a smile on my face,
A reason that I never realized.
As these waves of nostalgia erode me,
I long to swing back to the past.
As I realize I can never take the road back,
Its still a sweet pain I relish,
With you my friend, beckoning me to the bygone days,
Those days, I know,
Which will never come again,
But, will remain forever close to my heart.
A note for you-
"You made me special in a way probably no one can even appreciate,
there are relations which can't be put in words"
Feb 17, 2009
Envy
A sunny afternoon brings in more gay than expected. But that day it brought in more than anticipated as well. I am not sure how the thought sprouted in them, of bringing him to our abode. Knowing their fondness and affection, i was ready to compromise my unbeaten fear and the aversion to these goofies. It came as a shocking wave to me when i saw him in the living room all to that instant. No wonder this goober with his bushy tail and droopy ears opened the evil eye in me. He conquered my living space, the alcove is still all mine. Each of my steps in the house are to be taken by caution as i have still not found why i like to keep myself away from these pucks. Those with a kind heart kindly excuse me, puck as far as he is to me. Not leaving any intention to hurt your sentiments.
I am devoid of attentions i seek, the klutz breached all my privileges i used to savor. The monster in me leaves no sign of me getting intimate to him. His cutie smile and cheery nature is not going to aid as well....
"i loved skimming the lines of Neruda and taking to heart the feelings of the poet and the subject, but i can never be one coz while reading those,i loved the language more than the subject".
I am devoid of attentions i seek, the klutz breached all my privileges i used to savor. The monster in me leaves no sign of me getting intimate to him. His cutie smile and cheery nature is not going to aid as well....
"i loved skimming the lines of Neruda and taking to heart the feelings of the poet and the subject, but i can never be one coz while reading those,i loved the language more than the subject".
Feb 16, 2009
Black Rose for my valentine
And yet another day, in the name of red, in the name of trust, in the name of despair..in the name of love, bows down its bough without the words from a beloved, without the smell of roses and without the feeling of completion.It has always been just another day in my life though it spurted my fancies and ecstasies beyond reality.The female in me always gave it a vista as something beautiful than any verses can describe it, since it's better felt than said. Something sodden in the most graceful pain one can ever hold close to heart. Something in your soul, in your eyes, in your heart, but never in your mind. Something which really doesn't exist, but it would hurt to accept it.
But this year it was different, i swear to myself it simply doesn't exist, it simply doesn't exist within me. Nothing more i have in me to your surrender, and i just don't exist now. My castles shattered across your rusted heart which is as arid as it is stinking.
I look at those withered pieces of my beliefs which was once the strength and hope of my journey.I look at those tiny mistakes of mine, for which i would never forgive my verdict, rather die.But my heart still utters the final words to you, "i am no more in this world because of me, because i trusted your trust, i loved you more than anything my sense could comprehend but now i love you more than myself."
But this year it was different, i swear to myself it simply doesn't exist, it simply doesn't exist within me. Nothing more i have in me to your surrender, and i just don't exist now. My castles shattered across your rusted heart which is as arid as it is stinking.
I look at those withered pieces of my beliefs which was once the strength and hope of my journey.I look at those tiny mistakes of mine, for which i would never forgive my verdict, rather die.But my heart still utters the final words to you, "i am no more in this world because of me, because i trusted your trust, i loved you more than anything my sense could comprehend but now i love you more than myself."
Feb 11, 2009
Can you blame me???
Let me start on a stupid note,
Life is never a game you wish to play,
And if ever it was,
That was never life.
Those where moments,
Of gay and servile pleasure,
When you found the unguessed in you,
Alas, your companion was never the way you wished,
Par the strings of mind you played to make her so,
And it was not so long she abandoned you.
You travelled on the roads you wished,
And finally realized you are completely lost,
Can I blame??
Beyond your discretion, you chose the first left to you,
I can’t blame you,
You acted a mere mortal!!!
Since that you chose the road,
Life was just to prove,
Prove your point that,
This is what I waited for long,
This is my boulevard,
Can I blame you???
I can’t!!!You were just being diplomatic to you!!
But you never knew when you reached the outskirts,
The flashing lights of the city no more threw light on your road,
Now, it was the diminutive dusk of every human mind!!!
You judged the road with the stab of your past,
And forgot to see whether the lights were really there!!!
And now that it’s known to you,
Life just have been honest to you,
To ache you with your wrong choice,
And with pain you desert.
But fail to feel the twinge,
The throbbing of the deserted road,
Which was never may be destined for you!!!
Is it time for a song of despair,
Or for new rays of hope,
The insatiable hues were never splashed,
Fire is still burning inside,
Since you have taken with you everything I have,
There is nothing I owe to you,
Rather my infinite state of oblivion.
Can you blame me??